It feels squeaky sparkly clean! One has got to experience this with one’s inner eye. A clutter-free space all of your own, all for yourself where creativity and happiness can go skipping hand-in-hand till eternity and it just feels so light and floaty like the dandelion clocks in spring. I am loving it so much that I am loving myself because of it, a bit more every moment. Life seems worth living. There’s finally place for me in my own world – a world previously cluttered with the unwanted – putrid garbage of eons which I decided to shake off one fine day. And am I glad!
What? Where? How? All that suspense!
What happened was that that beautiful morning, though I woke up quite like usual, a new light shone on me. A transforming thought ran through my head and revealed to me a place of love, comfort, and worship. I have been seeking this space for time immemorial and somehow that day it just dawned on me while basking in the sun on our worn-out couch that morning, while doing nothing in particular. My moment of truth. My metamorphosing moment. The thought was simply this – that my mind is mine, a part of me and I can manage it. I can control what it thinks and I can control whether it thinks negative or not, I can manage my thoughts and actions and not allow this machine sitting inside my head take me at will to crummy dark alleys and to, sometimes, points of no return. And so, as a first baby-step, I absolutely barred it from feeding into itself negative thoughts, about anybody and any situation, as input. Believe me, it feels so much lighter without it. It has only been a couple of days since this resolve and I already feel so much lighter, so much brighter, and beautiful from inside. No baggage! Like those tourists on the hop-on-hop-off city tours, ending their days feeling fulfilled as they guzzle down beer with local delicacies and delight themselves in the sights and sounds of that place, relishing their holiday, their break from the humdrum of life. And now, that I started seeing things for what they are, being in the moment, I can so clearly see the games my mind has been playing with me ever since I came into existence. Every time I notice that my old ‘habit pattern’ (credits to Shri S N Goenka for that term) of generating negativity from the most insignificant (in the big picture) of incidents, events, statements is kicking in, I am able to nip it in the bud (you mean mind of mine!), and move on without allowing it to take hold of me and grip my whole self with a sense of desolate nervous desperation.
For now, it’s a resolve to keep my mindspace clean, for my own sake and fill it up only with that which is worthy of being there. After all, it’s the most special place in this world.
By Anuradha Govil Kulkarni
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