The root of all heartache

The other day I was sweeping my courtyard. After relentlessly working for 45 minutes to clean the premises, the result was unbelievable. My yard looked absolutely pristine to my eyes...I was so proud of myself. By the time I turned back to go inside, I was all sweaty,  my back was hurting like hell , I was barely able to stand straight. I stood still for a moment, and then it happened! 

A strong gust of wind blew across my face, across my clean swept courtyard and it sent little swirls of dust and debris flying through the air. In a moment my yard was littered with dried leaves, straws, discarded papers, plastic wrapping. 

I just stood there, stupefied, looking at my wasted effort. 

I let the broom just fall then and there and went inside. I didn’t try to go back and sweep the yard again. I was feeling totally wiped out myself. There was no point. 

I made myself a cup of coffee.

Then I realized! Despite all my efforts being tossed to the wind, I wasn’t feeling particularly angry.  I was feeling exhausted, dejected, powerless even, but not angry! How so? Because I am certainly not this calm a person. 

Boy, I have a temper. Only last night my grown  daughter , while doing the dishes, had dropped some expensive chinaware and obviously it was shattered to pieces. . I was naturally very upset with her. Though  I didn’t say anything to her, she could feel my seething resentment. She said sorry a couple of times, and told me over  and over  again that it was just an accident and that she didn’t mean to break it. 

Now, with a steaming cup of coffee in my hand I sat down and thought over both these incidents that had happened in quick succession, but had fetched two diametrically opposite emotional responses from me.  I sat there, befuddled by my own confusing behavior. Why was I angry then and why wasn’t I angry now, as none of these things were done with an intention to upset or annoy me? They had just happened. It was in nobody’s control. 

Then I slept over it and later like a flash it dawned on me. At the first incident, it was a human error , which had  upset me. Though it was just an accident, in my mind I had blamed my daughter  for being careless. Because she was wearing her Bluetooth headphones , I had simply assumed that she was talking to one of her friends and not paying attention to the job at hand. So I was angry. 

But today, when that darn wind blew across my clean swept yard, I wasn’t upset. Obviously! You don’t get angry with nature! You accept, whatever Mother Nature has in store for you. You have absolutely no expectations from things, that are beyond your control. No expectations and then no disillusionments either. It’s that simple. In any relationship, you can practice this “ Zero expectations, only Acceptance” rule.  It can be any kind of a relationship. Couples, parent-child, relatives or friends! Accept  people as they are... one hundred percent ...without trying to change them. Life would be so much simpler...

By Leena Sohoni