Grief letter

Dear SPB Sir, 

Grief is a devastating emotion, a penetrating pain that evades every part of your body and soul and takes you through several stages before you accept it and hope that you will be normal again. I feel this pain right now but I believe I m in the initial stages of grief – in denial that a voice that has been an integral part of my life, intertwined into every phase of it, a voice that was an emotion for me, that I have imbibed into me forever is no more. Yes, SPB sir, you were an emotion. It tears me to even address you in the past tense. 

The plethora of songs sung by you and your voice that has interspersed into our souls can never be taken away. There is not a day that passes in my life without listening to your voice. My morning satsang begins listening to your Om Nama and you travel throughout my day be it on my way to work, at work, after work, while cooking until I sleep. Right from adolescence to motherhood, through ups and downs you have travelled with me. 

Through decades you have taken us all on transcendental journey of music and have drowned us in love with your soulful rendition of raagas like Charukesi in Kaadhalin deepam ondru from the movie Thambikku entha ooru, Lalitha in Ithazhil kathai from Unnal mudiyum Thambi, Darbari Kanada in Malarey Mounama, Keervani in Manil Indha from Keladi kanmani. This is just a small fraction of your immense contribution to Music. Many of us have fallen in love because of you, many of us have raised from low moments of life because of you, many of us still and will continue to live this life that will be interspersed with your music and voice. I am not a musician but I have explored music through you. 

Honestly, I believed you were going to make it and never thought that this virus was capable of destroying you. I believed you would rise and emerge stronger than ever. When I read articles about the immense damage Corona could cause to the lungs after ECMO I spent sleepless nights thinking if it would hard for you to cope up ,if you can never sing like before. But I believed that a miracle will happen and no harm will ever come near you. All I wanted was for you to survive the tides and reach the shore to continue your journey with us fit and happy. But millions like me stand in the shore heartbroken that you are now not going to return. 

You will continue to be an integral part of our lives and generations to come.
But its going to be ages before I say RIP to you because my heart is in denial to accept that your gone. There is still a crazy part of me that is frantically searching the internet to see the news of your death is fake. I m going to wake up to a world tomorrow without you in it and i know deep down my heart that it is never going to be the same, its changed forever. 

Sarwari