Own your smile

Own your smile  

I have this simple question for you. Do you own your smile? Or does someone else have a control over it? Some of you may find my question funny, weird or a little stupid even. So let me first tell you about a little incident, that happened nearly ten years ago. In those days, we weren’t living here in this big city, we were staying at a relatively small place, where everybody knew everybody. It was one fine winter morning and I was taking my regular morning walk. Since childhood I have this habit of flashing a smile at unknown people, if they look agreeable to me. So when I saw this respectable lady of my own age coming from the opposite side, I smiled brightly at her. In my experience normally people would smile back and go about their business. This lady in question however stopped in her tracks, quite unsure how to respond to my unsolicited beaming smile and asked me a little awkwardly, “Do I know you? Have we met earlier?” I said, “No, why do you ask?” She said, “You smiled at me...so I thought, may be..” Her face still looked pretty confused. I said, “Oh that! You see, I smile at everybody. That’s my habit!” She seemed a little amused as her perfectly plucked eyebrows raised, a small smile curving her mouth. She nevertheless asked me my name, told me hers and we did some small talk. Since then we began smiling at each other and exchanging hellos regularly. But her question lingered in my mind for a long time. If I didn’t know her, if we two hadn’t met earlier, was it any of my business to smile at her in the first place? Let’s assume a different scenario, where you see some person on the road coming from the opposite direction. You are quite sure, you know this person from somewhere but can’t attach a name to that face , cannot even figure out, where actually you both could have met. So naturally you are a little hesitant to smile first for fear of embarrassment. You are afraid that they won’t smile back and you would be left standing there, feeling like a complete fool. So you don’t smile, the other person also doesn’t smile and life continues as usual. So basically, in order to avoid this perceived embarrassment, you decide, not to smile first. You would just look in their direction, see if they take the first step, see if they smile first. If they do, you would happily oblige, won’t you? But suppose, if you smile at them and they don’t smile back....So what? Is that such a dreadful thing? Why should it bother you so much? Does that hurt your ego badly ? I say, it should not. It only proves, that you have a better memory than them. It proves, that they don’t have the decency to return your smile. They may not be as genteel as you, or they may be even a bit impertinent. It’s their fault , and certainly not yours.So you mustn’t feel the need for these self imposed restrictions on your smile. I, for one, do not let any other person’s behavior or attitude dictate my own smile. It’s after all my smile, so I should be the one to exercise control over it. I should decide, when to smile or at whom. This attitude gives me a kind of super power and a confidence while going about in my daily interactions and moving in all kinds of social circles. In my seminars on public speaking and communication skills, I always ask my audience to make a habit of practicing their smile at home in front of the mirror. Believe me - to smile confidently is an art, that can be perfected with practice. We must all remember, no one can take away the smile on our face without our permission. I urge you to ask yourself this question, “Am I always the one to smile first in a chance encounter with a stranger?”

 

Written By : Mrs Leena Sohoni